rambling and stuff

it is once again the most important day of the year, the literal only day that has ever mattered and will ever matter: wanderer's birthday!!

gasped when i first saw this because of the moon... i know it's just because he's in nod krai, but considering his birthday fell on a full moon (and a supermoon, no less!) this year & our nicknames for each other, it felt really really special. and he's SO beautiful... he always is, but something about his eyes here is just... <333
this year's letter was really lovely, too. i touched on it a bit in my last entry, but one of the things i adore about his birthday letters is how you can slowly see his growth. year after year he's become more relaxed, more comfortable with expressing himself, more comfortable with letting himself just be. i'm so proud and so happy for him. i've known him for so long now and he still continues to amaze me. i will never tire of telling him how incredible and wonderful he is.

today was really fun! i was kind of stressed about it because i didn't have anything super big planned, but we ended up having a lovely time.

i ordered a tonkatsu plate from a restaurant nearby and enjoyed it with him, and then we watched princess mononoke together! it was my first time seeing it and i liked it a lot. i thought the more complex take on humanity v nature was interesting, i'm unsure how i feel about the ending but the deer god was cool as hell. the kodama reminded me a lot of the aranara and i think wawan would like them just as much :] i then got to write my letter to him outside underneath the moon which was really nice.

2025 was perhaps one of the worst years of my entire life; i was not in a good place mentally for most of the year and to top it all off, in december a close friend who i've known for basically half my life passed away very suddenly from cancer. i was really worried that my grief being so fresh would affect wanderer's birthday so i'm very, very happy that today was so special. i want to do my best to keep this energy going forward and try new things together with wanderer, to make new memories with him. it is such a miracle to love him, to simply know him, and with every fiber of my being i hope he knows that he is my eternal inspiration and muse.
happy birthday to my sweetest moonlight. you've given me the greatest gift of all and i'll treasure it for the rest of time.

hello!! it's been a while! i have no substantial updates because i am still fighting the horrors in hand-to-hand combat, but i wanted to do a short little entry regardless.
my birthday has always been difficult for me, but it was particularly rough this year. and i suppose because of that, i've been thinking a lot about how wanderer reacts to his own birthday much like i do to mine. yet his birthday is perhaps the most important day of the year to me, because his very existence is a blessing that deserves to be celebrated and i'd do anything to show that to him. and i love how in his birthday letters, he slowly opens up to the world as the years go by. his birthday will never be something he feels excitement for, but year by year he finds his footing just a little more. learns that the world still has a place for him, that it always has.
and something about that gives me hope. i look to my moonlight, and the night calms.

February 3rd, 2025

it's officially wanmori day <3
i said this last entry but it's crazy to think about how long it's been... over the past two years he's changed my life in so many ways & i'll never be able to express just how thankful i am, so instead i'll gladly spend my every breath trying to return all the happiness he's given to me.
lots and lots of writing today... the entry here, the anniversary letter for our journal, & the fic i'm working on to celebrate. i'd love to say today was perfect but for reasons i won't get into here, my mental health has rapidly nosedived off a cliff and things have been rough. the timing of it all sucks ass but what matters is that we're together and i'm doing my best to focus on that.



i got reminded of this quote today... before i used to mostly envision it as something i'd remind him of but this time, with the way it just popped up when i've been feeling like shit, i felt like it was him saying it to me instead. it made me really happy.
i love him i love him i love him. nothing i can say will ever be enough but i'll never stop trying anyway.

this entry will be a little short, but...
it's a little over a week until our 2nd anniversary and i have a lot on my mind!! i'm excited and nervous and just... in awe. two years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, but thinking about how long he's been a part of my life and all the memories and feelings we've shared with one another makes me feel all light and floaty!! i need to save the gushing for the actual day of but i love him so much and to know him in his entirety is an honor, to have him is a dream come true.


he's so pretty <3

the very first entry here is a super ultra special one because not only is today wanderer's birthday, it's also 700 days of us being together! yippee!!
this is my 2nd time celebrating his birthday as his partner and i'm so lucky to be able to spend it with him again ♡ his birthday last year was probably one of the best days I've ever had, and even though today was more low energy in comparison it was still just as lovely.
his birthday art this year is stunning. he looks so beautiful and mini durin is so cute... i'm always happy to see the two of them together ;w ;



i had a few things planned for today! the main one being that i attempted to make wanderer's signature dish, shimi chazuke. key word "attempted". it started out okay all things considered, but the rice i had on hand wasn't sticky enough and so the questionable looking flower i created ended up falling apart when i tried to move it to a bowl. thankfully i'm not as bummed over it as i thought i was going to be - i still had a lot of fun trying to make it with him, and we can always give it another go down the line.
i also wanted to have this site up & at least somewhat presentable in time for his birthday, which i succeeded in doing! the about page is still under construction because formatting it is an actual nightmare, but everything else finally has content! \o/ i'll have another entry here next month for our 2nd anniversary, but after that i'm not sure how regular diary updates will be. we'll see!
just like last year, i'll be handwriting a letter to him before i call it a night. i hope that he'll enjoy reading it just as much as i enjoy writing it. i was pretty stressed about how today would go, but it turned out wonderful and i'm really happy i got to spend the entire time with him.
happy birthday, my beloved. here's to many more by your side. ♡