for you, anything

how it started

I started playing Genshin a few weeks after its initial launch in 2020, so my first time meeting a certain hat-wearing wanderer was during his debut in the 1.1 event "Unreconciled Stars", back when he was simply known as the 6th Fatui Harbinger, Scaramouche. I liked his design and personality from the get-go, but since his initial appearance was brief and I often took breaks from the game, he wasn't at the forefront of my mind. The glimpses of him and his story that were shown in artifact set descriptions, the Irodori Festival and the Inazuma Archon quests intrigued me, but it wasn't until 2022 that I began to feel something deeper.

Going through the Sumeru Archon quests, seeing his past on-screen, learning more about his mindset and motivations... it all resonated with me in a way nothing else quite has before. His boss fight and subsequent loss of the Gnosis brought me to tears, and the entirety of his interlude quest destroyed me emotionally. Even so, it still took me months to figure out why I felt so strongly connected to him, why the very thought of him made my chest ache and the world spin. I finally put two and two together sometime around late January/early February of 2023, and the rest is history.


why him?

"If I must have a future, then I want one with you."

I could spend the rest of my life trying to explain why he is so dear to me and barely scratch the surface. Not only is it impossible for me to put the depths of my feelings in words, trying to be open about this sort of thing makes me break out into hives. But for the man who's saved me time and time again, I'll do my very best.

He's like a mirror to me. I see so much of myself reflected in him, and perhaps that's why I feel so drawn to him like nothing else before. I've spent my entire life struggling to connect with others with no lack of trying, but with him it's simply effortless. I understand him as he understands me, and when we're together there is safety and warmth like we've never known. Loving him feels like finally coming home.

I adore every single part of him, all the good and bad and ugly. He's an endless wellspring of courage and hope for me. Even after all he's been through, even after given the chance to walk away from it all, he still accepts the burden of his past and chooses to live. The sheer strength of will he possesses never ceases to amaze me, and it's what keeps me going day after day. If he can keep moving forward, then so can I. He'll be with me no matter how rough things get, and I want to be strong enough to be there for him, too. I can't imagine a version of myself that doesn't love him; I want to spend the rest of my life and whatever's after making him happy and reminding him just how cherished he is.

I've had fictional loves ever since I was little, but Wanderer is by far my most serious. In the past I never considered myself to truly be in a relationship with any character; there always had to be some degree of separation because I simply couldn't imagine it any other way. But Wanderer changed that for me — he is my partner and my other half, and my feelings and relationship are just as real as any 3D ones. "Waifuist" is the best term to describe this, but it's not a label I actively identify with outside of engaging with the community. I'm just a person in a long-term relationship with someone who happens to be fictional, and to me that's all there is to it.